![]() ![]() Underneath that deep, seemingly effortless, early passion and intimacy was a hidden skill: the ability to make and accept bids for emotional closeness. So how do you get that back? Bids for Closeness Thanks to neurochemicals of love creating mindfulness that resembled obsessive compulsions, your beloved was always in your thoughts and you planned your life around them. Thanks to hopping hormones your sex drive was high. In the throes of early infatuation everything seemed effortless. When you were first dating you naturally treated love like a hobby. So if you want to make your relationship your new hobby, ask yourself when you last created a fun date with your mate, or planned for passion, or studied to improve your sexual repertoire or communication skills. Like great gardens, great relationships need tending. If you simply point your dog at a playground and say, “Hey! Spot! Go be agile!” you’re going to have a puzzled dog that needs therapy for swing-set trauma and your aspirations will fail. And we take classes or read how-to books to improve our skill at what we love. No matter how busy life gets we make our hobby a priority-we carve out time to caress that pottery wheel. What are the key aspects of a hobby? Well, by definition a hobby is supposed to be fun-we look forward to our golf game with happy anticipation. In fact I teach couples that the best way to strengthen your emotional and sexual connection is to treat your love life like you do your golf game or pottery class. Can your love life be a hobby? You bet it can. We learn new communication techniques, we make time for lovemaking (which occasionally involves a teeter-totter or puffing to keep up), and we plan romantic adventures together.īut wait. That’s where I train my sweetie, or perhaps he trains me, in all things sensual and connective. That’s where my leopard-spotted rescue mutt joyfully runs through tunnels and zooms over teeter-totters while I puff to keep up. ![]() I know, crazy, right? Because I’m the sane one, my hobby is to train my dog, or perhaps she trains me, in agility. She runs 100-mile ultra marathons in the mountains. My best friend Lori, whom I met in a Scottish highland dancing class when we were nine years old, has a strange hobby. ![]()
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